This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
