It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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