He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
