Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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