I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i will never coherently bang her
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.