it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I am spending my child support on dildos
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.