...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
