'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.