Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
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I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
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Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha