Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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