seriously i just wanna be friends
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?