Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful