i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice