We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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