Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.