i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.