Moan for me like Helen Keller
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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