Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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