She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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