I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize