Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
