now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
