The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
