I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
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I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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