But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
