I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
