I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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