He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
