yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
