Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
