it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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