I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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