I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
