You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
