tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
