I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
