you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
it was like eating out sand paper
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
