Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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