just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
