he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
