I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom