i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees