Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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