The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
