Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
