I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
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so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
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I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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