I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
