My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
