We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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