I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
