Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
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