I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
