I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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