Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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