umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
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You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
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Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We're too hungover to prance.
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