Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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