I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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