do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
