Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize