Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
And then he peed in my hair
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