I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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