I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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