My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
