I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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