So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
