I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
