I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
