Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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