Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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