Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
