I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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