I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
