we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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