We won't sleep together?
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
