I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Found the puke drawer
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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