Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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