oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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