I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
