As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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