i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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