Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize