You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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