just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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