If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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