He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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