Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
