so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
