dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
