Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
