Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
