What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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