How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
