i need an iv and a liver transplant
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
